


"Yes, love."

by Adeadlymusician



Series: Disabuse [1]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: 3rd Person Limited, Character Study, Character study of Akira, F/M, Futaba Makoto Haru and Sojiro are mentioned but never interact with any character directly, Futaba bashing, Haru bashing, Intended to be romantic but platonic works, M/M, Makoto bashing, Pre-Slash, Protagonist is called Akira, ish?, mild purple prose, the bashing is mild don't worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-04-01 08:40:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13994592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adeadlymusician/pseuds/Adeadlymusician
Summary: “No! It’s not effin okay! We felt like we had to side with Futaba and Haru because of their pasts and totally ignored how you felt! And Akechi, we acted like total bastards to you too. We all knew that you were faking and that you were up to somethin' but we knew you didn’t want to be an asshole. We knew there was something more to you. And we totally stood by like useless bystanders while you guys took the most of the blame. That’s not cool. That’s not cool at all!" Ryuji rambled, fists clenched, looking dejected. "We’re sorry. You don't have to accept it, though."





	"Yes, love."

**Author's Note:**

> Understanding time in relation to interpersonal relationships is important *wink wink nudge nudge* Please read the A/N at the end before you comment! Or don't, I guess.
> 
> Edit 07/04/2018: Minor fixes to punctuation. Moved a line to after "Ryuji said" to better explain what I was going for.
> 
> Edit 11/06/2018: Added some filler material. Fixed a couple of paragraphs to make it flow better. Fixed some things in general.
> 
> Edit 07/12/2018: Added some more filler material because I'm getting tired of people who don't know how to make a proper rhetorical argument without dissolving into petty insults.
> 
> (I use the Day/Month/Year System of writing dates)

What does it mean to sacrifice? To some, it meant killing in the name of faith as an offering. To others, it meant helping people while giving up a luxury. To himself, Akira thought bitterly, selflessness to the point of self-neglect. He had done _everything_ right: Said the right words, had the right body language, created the perfect confidants… but _it wasn't enough._ It wasn't enough for Haru, for Makoto, for Futaba. None of them had repaid his kindness other than in battle. Sure, they were his friends, but as soon as Akira acted a little bit out of turn, a little bit different than the masks he put on, they glanced at him with disapproval. Case in point: his act to save Goro. 

Akira could not fault them, however. Haru had lost her father because of Akechi and was forced to take on her father's company sooner than expected. She also had had to endure her horrible ex-fiance for the longest time, whom reminded her of her father's murderer. Makoto remained distrustful for reasons Akira couldn't understand. Although, if he thought about it long enough, he knew the least about Makoto. Futuba, having faced herself and her past, still remained distant and cold. All three of them never let their disdain of Akechi show in front of Akira. However, he knew. He saw it in the way the three would duck their heads and look away when he entered the room. Akira’s past was nothing on them, on their suffering, so it was why he didn't say anything. Besides, even if he did have their support, it would just be… awkward. 

Every one of the Phantom Thieves could tell that something was off about Akira and they all had a pretty good idea as to what. But he avoided talking about it, skillfully weaving in and out of conversations like clockwork. The only person who knew exactly what was bothering Akira was Morgana. Even then, it is only because it is very hard to hide that he was crying himself to sleep over how he couldn’t save Goro from harm when the cat slept on him every night.

 

* * *

 

Akira wished that he could say that he wasn't blindsided by the exact depth of harsh criticism from the newest members over his rescue of Goro. It was not uncalled for nor unexpected. No one reacted explosively, either, but the cold, malevolent, _judging_ stares reminded Akira too much of what his life back in Inaba was like. The pure animosity in their gazes made Akira want to curl up in a ball and hide. Instead, however, he retreated behind Joker's charisma and managed to spit out a semi-decent lie about his reasoning. How Akechi would never face true justice if he died there, how the Phantom Thieves are not murderers, how it is not their right to enact punishment, etc.

But, as Akira stared at Goro’s seemingly lifeless body on the hospital bed, he knew the real reason: He understood Goro. Maybe not completely, but he could see the fear in his eyes. The biting fear of loneliness, of not being taken seriously. However, most of all, it was the daunting fear of being unloved. It had driven Goro to manipulation, sacrificing his humanity, and it had driven himself to excessive selflessness, sacrificing his own well being. So, he would not abandon Goro like he had been abandoned by the people back in Inaba. Could it hurt him in the end? Yes. Could it be all for naught? Yes. Akira didn't care. He sighed, resting his head on the edge of the hospital bed, eyes fluttering shut. He had vague recollections of hesitant fingers trailing through his hair, but he chalked it up as a figment of his imagination.

 

* * *

 

"Hey, why isn't Makoto here?” Ryuji asked, surprisingly quiet. Ann shrugged, looking down. Morgana mewled sadly, his eyes never leaving Akechi

“I… don't know.” She replied, looking up to watch as Akechi struggled through the exercises. Akira was trying to be upbeat and positive, but the way his face twisted every time Akechi grunted said otherwise.

“I’s not fair. Futaba and Haru have obvious excuses, but not Makoto.” He murmured angrily, bouncing his leg up and down. “She should be here with us.”

“Maybe something to do with Sae?” Ann suggested.

”Akechi never _wanted_ to hurt Sae. He didn't _actually_ hurt her, either.” He countered, shaking his head.

“Give her time, Ryuji. Give her time,” She replied, sighing. She glanced down in shame; she couldn't resist the nagging feeling that she had failed Akira as a friend and failed Akechi as a comrade.

“Still, it's amazing the trust Akechi has in Akira. The trust they have in each other, actually, after everything that's happened,” Morgana remarked, his eyes wistful.

“It almost makes me kinda jealous,” Ann remarked, laughing awkwardly.

“Yeah. Yeah, it does,” Ryuji replied, off in his own thoughts.

 

* * *

 

”Why…?” Goro asked quietly, sitting on his bed. Even after months of recovery and grueling physical therapy, Goro remained frustratingly distant. Akira fell back next to him, their clothed thighs flush against each other. He rested elbows on his legs, his face resting in his hands. He forced the swirling emotions back down: he didn't want -no, need to deal with them right now. Goro’s gaze burned into the side of his skull.

“We’re the same, in a way,” Akira said finally, gazing down at the floor. “It's hard to explain. I guess I… just see a lot of me in you.”

“Is that your pathetic attempt at flirting?” Goro deadpanned, a hint of a small, amused smile on his face. Akira spluttered indignantly.

“That's not what I meant! You remind me of how I acted back in Inaba, that's all.” He said quietly. Goro didn't reply. The two sat in silence for a while, each lost in thought. The sounds of the door to Leblanc opening elicited a resigned sigh from Akira.

“I’ll be right back,” Akira said, standing up. Sojiro was downstairs, talking to some people: He couldn’t make out their conversation. He made his way to the stairwell when he thought he felt the ghost of a touch on his wrist, but he chalked it up to his imagination. He didn’t travel far before two sets of heavy treads plodded up the stairs. Ann and Ryuji appeared, flushed and out of breath with Morgana trailing behind them.

“Are we interrupting something? We can come later,” Ann said, panting slightly. From the way her shoulders drooped, she must have rushed to get to Leblanc. Ryuji didn't look much better.

“No, we were doing nothing,” Goro said, standing up. “I guess I’ll make my leave then.”

“Dude no!” Ryuji exclaimed. “Just… we want you to be here, okay?”

“Yeah. Please don't leave just yet,” Morgana mumbled, hopping on the desk.

“Ryuji? Ann? Morgana? What is this about?” Akira inquired softly.

“Can we sit down? This might take a minute…” Ann replied, her voice cracking slightly. Akira nodded, taking the seat on the bed again. He motioned for Goro to follow: He hesitated, but eventually relented. Ryuji sat in the chair backward, resting his chin in his arms. Ann leaned against the crafting table.

“I want to apologize to you, Akira. We were being totally unfair to you when you were just trying to be a good person. You were the only one who helped Akechi-kun, and we stood back selfishly as you took it upon yourself to help him.” Ann started after a few moments.

“It’s okay. I’m sure-” Akira started, avoiding eye contact. His emotions raged endlessly.

“No! It’s not effin okay! We felt like we had to side with Futaba and Haru because of their pasts and totally ignored how you felt! And Akechi, we acted like _total_ bastards to you too. We all knew that you were faking and that you were up to somethin' but we knew you didn’t want to be an asshole. We knew there was something more to you. And we totally stood by like useless bystanders while you guys took the most of the blame. That’s _not cool_. That’s not cool at all!" Ryuji rambled, fists clenched, looking dejected. "We’re sorry. You don't have to accept it, though."

“Yeah. I'm sorry too, Akechi. If we had known what had happened to you… It still doesn't excuse your actions... But it doesn't excuse our ignorance either…” Morgana trailed off, uncertain.

“I…” Akira started, eyes welling with tears. He never expected to have the support of his friends. In fact, he had been preparing himself to lose his friends again, but... He sat on the bed, his shaking hands suspended in the air as tears fell down. Goro reached over and rubbed soothing circles on his shoulder. Ugly sobs overcame him as all the repressed emotions rose to the surface. The world was spinning, and any small movement caused his head to ache painfully. Arms and legs reached around his torso and pulled him close, clutching tightly. The mattress to his left dipped slightly, a warm hand on his left shoulder. The bed dipped to the right this time, a comforting hand on his thigh. He didn’t know how long he remained there. When his vision cleared, the hand on his thigh-Ryuji- tightened slightly. Ann stood up and walked towards the staircase, Ryuji tailing her.

“We will leave you two alone. If you need us, we’ll be here.” She said, pausing, before descending. Ryuji hesitated for a moment.

“That goes for you too, Crow.” He said, scratching the back of his head as he followed Ann. Akira watched them go, only sitting up straight once he heard the door to Leblanc close. Morgana left through the window, most likely to give them privacy. Goro detached himself from Akira and resumed sitting by him. Akira bounced his leg up and down, a nervous habit.

“I…” Goro said, breaking the silence.

“Don’t. If you don’t want to, that is.” Akira mumbled, his face flushed.

“Don’t abandon your friends for me,” Goro said, eyes overcast with anxiety. Akira pulled Goro in for a tight, lopsided hug. Goro’s face turned bright red.

“I won’t abandon them or you. I love you all too much to let go,” Akira said quietly yet firmly, resting his forehead on Goro’s shoulder.

“Love?” Goro questioned disbelievingly.

“Yes, love.”

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Before I get a lot of hate over the bashing of Makoto, Futaba, and Haru, remember this: This is in 3rd Person Limited, with the primary focus on Akira. I am not saying the female members (sans Ann) feeling’s are illegitimate; I am exploring what Akira’s reaction could be to their coldness. Also, keep in mind what Akira’s mental health would be like at this point in the game (Spoiler Alert: Not good).
> 
> I may or may not explain my reasoning for all of the characterizations: it all depends on whether I can overcome my laziness. However, I know Makoto is a bit of a stretch, so let me give you the TL:DR version: as a formal person myself, I kinda understand her character. One has to be perfect, one has to have humility, one has to have the 'right' friends, one has to flatter the higher ups, etc. Even when one 'loosens up', the inclination to judge is ingrained in one’s brain. So, I think Makoto’s animosity would come from her judgement of Akechi as a person, not just his actions towards Futaba and Haru. Since he lied (about everything), she doesn't trust him around any of the Phantom Thieves, especially Akira. And since this is set sometime post-game, she really doesn't like him. (Akira did not have to return home. Maybe if I keep telling myself that, it will become true).
> 
> I promise, I didn't forget about Yusuke. But I think, personally, he would be judgemental of Akechi but not to the point of hazing -I am using this term loosely- or glaring. And, since the reactions from the female members were so powerful, Akira probably overlooked Yusuke’s reaction altogether.
> 
> As always, I welcome constructive criticism, but insulting me and acting like a five-year-old will get you nowhere. 
> 
> (On the subject of five year olds: To the rather pissed off guest reviewer on FF.net whom called themself PersonaFan on "Yes, love": While your review may be deleted, I do have it saved and backed up. I have nothing to say to you. I was, in all honesty, going to type out a rebuttal, but attacking me personally made me think otherwise. I understand not agreeing with my characterization of Akira and the Phantom Thieves, but if you can’t hold a conversation and respectfully disagree with me, then you aren’t worth the energy for me. My PM’s are open if you want to come out of anonymity, though! Psst! Cussing me out and acting like a five-year-old doesn’t work in the real world, hun! :) )


End file.
